Thriving with Divorced Parents - Stand UP Foundation

Handling Divorced Parents

Dear Sailor,

My parents are going through a divorce. I have a lot of friends with divorced families and some get a long and some don't. I am feeling very confused about how I should feel about this new change and separation. Should I be happy? Sad? Maybe both? I feel angry at my parents for not trying harder to resolve their "issues". What advice could you give me and them (if you have been a teen that went through you're parents divorcing?) 

Loving Our Parents After Parent's Divorce

When I was around six years old my parents divorced, now ten years later I’m sixteen and it’s just the normal for me. I don’t really remember my parents together, and I don’t think that’s a good or bad thing. It’s honestly weird to imagine them together. I’m very thankful that my parents are civil with each other. I know in most cases that’s not imaginable. 

Advice that I would give for the teenager that has divorced parents is, treat each parent equally the way you should. I know that one parent is most likely going to be less stricter then the other, and one parent will spoil you more than the other one. But that doesn’t mean you should treat them differently. They most likely will both have different rules because they are in different house holds. For example when I’m at my mom’s house it’s a big rule to plug in my phone on school nights around nine. But at my dads house I don’t have to plug in my phone on the one school night I’m there. Do I enjoy getting my phone taken away at nine? No. Do I look forward to the one school night I’m at my dads house so I can keep my phone? Yes. But doesn’t mean I treat them differently. 

Advice that I would give to the parents is, when there’re young and complaining about how they want to see the other parent, doesn’t mean they love you any less. When I was younger I stayed with my mom more so I wanted to see my dad a lot, and I couldn’t. Now that I’m older I can see how it hurt my moms feelings about how I was always complaining on how I wanted to see my dad. But that didn’t mean I loved one parent more. 

I know my parents love me, even though there not together anymore. I love them equally, even if one takes my phone at night and the other one doesn’t. I don’t treaty them differently, I treat them the same. 

Sincerely Yours, 

Sailor

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